My Emotional Landscape

My emotions change as fast as the wind is blowing outside my window..

I woke up this morning with a deep insecurity and a sense of aloneness.. Wondering how I will make it through today…

I sat on my balcony and connected to the sensation of the wind on my face and the beauty of the crisp clarity as I looked out onto the sea and the rocks and the mountains of islands in front of me.. My whole body is connected and I feel alive, present, with me..

I turn on my computer to start assisting a session with Yoram (my teacher) and I meet with other assistants, we share and laugh and I feel joy and giddiness course through me.. connected and together.. no more alone.. I am grateful..

I hear someone else's pain and suddenly I am alert and listening, curious and feeling my care and curiosity move through me as my eyes widen and my heart is moving forward.

I hear someone else speak, and suddenly my own insecurities are triggered.. I tell myself many things and I feel a sudden pang of insecurity and mourning..

I stay with Yoram in the main room and we share in authentic dialogue together.. I feel alive, curious, joyful, nervous, open, confident .. All these pass within a few moments

I am back to writing this now.. looking out at the sea and remembering the beauty of where I live.. I am touched and grateful and full of warmth… and at the same moment in my stomach there is a little pain.. a longing for physical touch.. closeness.. to be held..

I am amazed at how quickly my surroundings, my thoughts, my interactions all influence and create the waves and changes of sensations that I am feeling.. It gives me hope to connect with this.. somehow knowing, trusting that I am changing - just like the wind, which has now stopped blowing outside my window.